


take me to funky town

by goldentrashcan



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Musical References, Ouma is a little shit, a huge mess, hhhh this is a mistake, just crack, kaito is a closet weeb, more to come???, rated m for miu, ryoma loves 80s pop, trigger warning: minions, trigger warning: pineapple pizza, wii memes only
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:27:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldentrashcan/pseuds/goldentrashcan
Summary: 2 years after their graduation, Amami decides to create a group chat with his old high school friends in it.A horrible decision, really.





	1. drv3 but it's a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 2am because i heard funky town playing on tv hhhhh this was a mistake

_**Rantaro Amami** added 15 people to to **Funky Town**_  
**Rantaro Amami:** hey everyone  
**Kaede Akamatsu** : Amami, with all due respect, what the fuck  
**Ryoma Hoshi:** how did you get my number?  
**Rantaro Amami** : I was scrolling through my contacts and I remember I had you guys' numbers from high school so I made a gc for us to talk!  
**Miu Iruma:** who scrolls through their contacts??  
**Shuichi Saihara** : Who names their group chat Funky Town?  
**Kaede Akamatsu:** Korekiyo would  
**Korekiyo Shinguuji:** ???  
**Kaede Akamatsu:** Shhhhh go back to your cave mothman  
**Miu Iruma:** MOT HMA N SHEHDJEJDG  
_**Rantaro Amami** changed **Korekiyo Shinguuji** 's username to **Mothman**_  
**Gonta Gokuhara:** Hello everyone :D  
**Angie Yonaga:** GONTA  
**Kirumi Tojo:** Gonta!  
**Shuichi Saihara:** Hi Gonta!  
**Mothman:** Hello Gonta :)  
**Angie Yonaga:** whats with the smiley  
**Gonta Gokuhara:** MOTHMAN????  
**Shuichi Saihara:** GONTA NO  
**Kaito Momota:** SHUICHI??  
**Shuichi Saihara:** KAITO?!  
**Kokichi Ouma:** OUMA?! :D  
_14 people have left **Funky Town**_  
_**Rantaro Amami** added 13 people to **Funky Town**_  
**Kokichi Ouma:** first of all, fuck you guys  
**Kokichi Ouma:** second,  
_**Kokichi Ouma** removed admin rights from 15 people_  
**Kaito Momota:** WHAT NO  
**Kaito Momota:** I WANT MY ADMIN RIGHTS BACK  
_**Kokichi Ouma** changed **Kaito Momota** 's username to **Space Naruto**_  
**Space Naruto:** FUCK OFF  
_**Kokichi Ouma** changed 13 usernames_  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** I regret everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> ouma: pantasia  
> kaede: liar liar  
> shuichi: sushi  
> kiibo: robot bitch  
> rantaro: FR E SH AVOCA DO  
> angie: forgive me father for i have sinned  
> miu: kirby vore  
> tsumugi: mug  
> maki: assassin's creed rogue  
> kork: Mothman  
> kaito: Space Naruto  
> himiko: magic mike  
> tenko: strappy mclebanese  
> kirumi: donarudo turompu  
> gonta: bug catcher from pokemon  
> ryoma: DONT DROP THE SOAP


	2. pi(neapple)zza

**Funky Town**

**donarudo turompu:** I have several questions.  
**pantasia:** you used "make this country great again" in an english essay and its the only thing i remember from you  
**donarudo turompu:** Great.  
**mug:** ouma why are you doing this  
**pantasia:** because i can  >:)  
**magic mike:** is it because we forgot your birthday in junior year  
**pantasia:** mayybbeee  
**assassin's creed rogue:** Has anyone noticed that Ryoma is out of juvie?  
**kirby vore:** MAKI?!  
**strappy mclebanese:** maki you're alive???  
**assassin's creed rogue:** I don't know, I live with Kaito  
**mug:** you live with kaito???  
**pantasia:**  PFFFFFFFT HOW MANY TIMES DID THE HOUSE ALMOST BURN DOWN  
**assassin's creed rogue:** It's an apartment near our uni, also he's not allowed to touch the stove or microwave due to... past incidents  
**Space Naruto:** :((((  
**magic mike:** maki PLEASE tell us what was the incident  
**Space Naruto:** it was nothing lmao  
**assassin's creed rogue:** He burnt instant ramen. In the microwave.  
**pantasia:** NO WAY  
**kirby vore:**  IM DYINGG  
**strappy mclebanese:** HDJEHDBEHDBEJDNEE  
**Space Naruto:** you think you can trust someone  
**sushi:** Kokichi why are you laughing you can't even boil an egg??  
**pantasia:** Shuichi : <  
**sushi:** No really, he just cracked it open and it fell in the water  
**pantasia:** SHUICHI D:  
**kirby vore:** IMT HOLLETRINNGHDHW  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:** this actually made me smile wow  
**Space Naruto:** but could YOU cook in juvie???  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:** kaito youre a philosophy major that wanted to be an astronaut do you really want to talk about life situations  
**strappy mclebanese:** THISHWHS IS THE BEST THING EVEHDJWJBSHWJS  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** does anyone know how to make pasta  
**kirby vore:** you need to make it wet  
**liar liar:** also steamy  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** delightful  
**liar liar:** kokichi why is my name "liar liar"  
**pantasia:** you told me you hated pineapple pizza yet i saw you eating one during lunchbreak  
**liar liar:** THAT WAS IN SOPHOMORE YEAR OH MY GOD  
**pantasia:** a pineapple pizza eater remains a pineapple pizza eater f o r e v e r  
**magic mike:** sorry to interrupt this pineapple pizza slander but  
**Space Naruto:** HIMIKO YOU EAT PINEAPPLE PIZZA??  
**magic mike:** yea  
**kirby vore:** EWWWWWW  
**kirby vore:** EVEN I DONT EAT THAT SHIT  
**strappy mclebanese:** EJKDJEJEHEJEKF I CANT BELIEVE I HAD A CRUSH ON YOU KFJDJEJEJ  
**magic mike:** ANYWAYS  
**magic mike:** where's kiibo, mothman, gonta, and angie??  
**kirby vore:** kiibo's phone broke like 2 days ago so :/  
**donarudo turompu:** If Gonta's pure eyes ever fall on even the usernames of some of you deranged gremlins I can assure you you'll get swatted in the middle of the night and your friends and family will be brainwashed to forget your entire existence.  
**assassin's creed rogue:** Woah  
**Space Naruto:** the kork jumped out  
**Mothman:** The minion statue I have in the corner of my room appreciates you too, Kaito  
**Space Naruto:** you  
**Space Naruto:** you have a minion statue  
**pantasia:** korekiyo if it wasnt for your extremely weird antics that keep me entertained i would have blocked you on every social media account i own  
**Mothman:** What's wrong with minions?  
**sushi:** They exist  
**pantasia:** me and shuichi bonded through our mutual hate for minions! and also because of my amazing qualities and quick thinking :)  
**sushi:** and because we ended up as roommates in uni  
**Space Naruto:** ??? youre roommates????  
**kirby vore:** you didnt know???  
**Space Naruto:** miu knows????  
**sushi:** Miu and Kokichi are actually really good friends  
**sushi:** I think  
**sushi:** Also me and kokichi are kinda dating yeah  
**sushi:** anyways where's angie??  
**Space Naruto:** WHAT???????????????  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** WAIT FOR REAL?????  
**sushi:** guys ANGIE is MISSING  
**magic mike:** no she's not??? she's probably sleeping it's 1pm???  
**strappy mclebanese:** wow looked at this panicked gay trying to change the subject  
**liar liar:** shuichi i thought you were straight???  
**sushi:** I'm bi actually  
**Mothman:** Was I the only one who expected it??  
**kirby vore:** nahhhh  
**kirby vore:** they held hands on the school bus while sharing earphones yet still pretended to be friends thats some next level romcom shit  
**forgive me father for i have sinned:** lmao miu you watch romcoms???  
**liar liar:** well look who came back from the dead  
**forgive me father for i have sinned:** chill I just took a nap  
**assassin's creed rogue:** I wish I could take a nap  
**pantasia:** same  
**pantasia:** anyways im hungry  
**pantasia:** shuichi  
**pantasia:** can you buy me takeout  
**sushi:** Can't you buy it on your own???  
**pantasia:** i bought you pizza like 5 years ago  
**sushi:** Fine  
**pantasia:** tyty  <3 <3  
**magic mike:** was it pineapple pizza?  
**kirby vore:** himiko oh my god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> ouma: pantasia  
> kaede: liar liar  
> shuichi: sushi  
> kiibo: robot bitch  
> rantaro: FR E SH AVOCA DO  
> angie: forgive me father for i have sinned   
> miu: kirby vore   
> tsumugi: mug  
> maki: assassin's creed rogue   
> kork: Mothman  
> kaito: Space Naruto  
> himiko: magic mike  
> tenko: strappy mclebanese  
> kirumi: donarudo turompu  
> gonta: bug catcher from pokemon  
> ryoma: DONT DROP THE SOAP


	3. sigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter you've been waiting for

**Funky Town**  
**liar liar:**  goodmorning everyone!  
**sushi:** It's 4pm??  
**liar liar:** I said goodmorning  
**robot bitch:** Goodmorning!  
**sushi:** KIIBO  
**assassin's creed rogue:**  Kiibo oh my GOD thank you you just single handedly saved this chat  
**mug:** what about Gonta??  
**donarudo turompu:** Gonta is not legally allowed in this chat until you all learn how to behave.  
**bug catcher from pokemon:**  Hello!!  
**robot bitch:** Hi Gonta!  
**donarudo turompu:** JSHWHS2736heg^@628hwHw  
**donarudo turompu:** KIIBO YOU CANT TALK TO GONTA LOOK AT YOUR USERNAME  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:**  kirumi chill its not like he killed someone lmao  
**donarudo turompu:** YOU  
**donarudo turompu:**  I AM COMING RIGHT NOW TO YOUR DORM  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:**  jokes on you im not there h  
**donarudo turompu:**  I'LL WAIT THERE ALL NIGHT IF I HAVE TO  
**sushi:** Kirumi may I ask you how you know where Ryoma's dorm is?  
**donarudo turompu:** He's in my uni, I saw him come back with 7 burritos in hand at 4am.  
**donarudo turompu:** But that is not the point.  
**pantasia:** wow mom really snapped  
**sushi:** Would you PLEASE stop calling her that  
**pantasia:** what? mom?? mommy??? mother???? ma????? mama?????? mumsy??????? matron???????? matriarch????????? parent?????????? child-bearer???????????  
**kirby vore:** we get it ouma you have a mommy kink  
**pantasia:** coming from you, this sounds like some kind of sick joke  
\-------  
**donarudo turompu:** Everyone I have some news.  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:** ???? im not dead yet tho????  
**donarudo turompu:** You'll wish you were after this.  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:** jokes on you  
**mug:** yes, we know, you already want to die ryoma  
**donarudo turompu:** Anyways, when I went to Ryoma's dorm I found.... a lot of things.   
**kirby vore:** oh god  
**kirby vore:** i always knew ryoma was into feet and piss  
**donarudo turompu:** NO.  
**donarudo turompu:** What I found was actually more surprising.  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:** WAIT KIRUMI  
**DONT DROP THE SOAP:** IM SORRY PLEASE DONT  
**donarudo turompu:** Ryoma has several cds from various retro singers, in fact he has exactly 30 of them. Most of them are Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Eurythmics.  
**Space Naruto:** hey everyone what the fuck  
**kirby vore:** JSGWGHSJWHSHEIWJDH  
**kirby vore:** THIS IS BETTER THAN DOING BODY SHOTS AT 3AM IN HAUNTED HOUSES KAJWHDHWJ  
**sushi:** MIU WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK  
**mug:** I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED HARDER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE OH MY GOD RYOMA YOURE A GEM  
**donarudo turompu:** He has the YMCA single from Village People on the middle of his bookcase on a small pedestral.  
_**pantasia** changed **DONT DROP THE SOAP** 's to **village person**_  
**Space Naruto:** HSHSGEGWGSHUWIDUFUEODJDUWJEU  
**village person:** i regret not letting her kill me  
**assassin's creed rogue:** I just heard Kaito screech from his room what did I miss?  
**mug:** ryoma drowning in his sorrow, probably listening to david bowie as we speak  
**village person:** how dare you speak of his name like that  
**village person:** he is not just a singer   
**village person:** he is a LEGEND  
**Mothman:** Do not worry Ryoma, I too enjoy some classic 80s tracks  
**village person:** korekiyo as much as i want to talk about my favourite artists i would rather sell my 27 cyndi lauper posters than talk to you  
**robot bitch:** ....  
**kirby vore:** everyone thank kiibo if he didn't greet gonta this morning we wold have missed out on so much  
**pantasia:** i never thought id say this but  
**pantasia:** thank you kiibo for providing potential blackmail material  
**sushi:** Ouma for the love of god shut up you it's been 10 minutes since we started making cookies and all you've done is tap random letters as reactions to what everyone else said  
**pantasia:** ITS CALLED KEYSMASHING YOU UNCULTURED SWINE  
**Space Naruto:** yall bake cookies omg  
**Space Naruto:** maki can we bake cookies too??? :))  
**assassin's creed rogue:** Yes  
**Space Naruto:** :D  
**pantasia:** this is plagiarism  
\-------  
**magic mike:** ouma can you change tenko's username, we find it very unoriginal  
_**pantasia** changed **strappy mclebanese** 's username to **lesbian bruce lee**_  
**magic mike:** sigh  
**lesbian bruce lee:** did you just type out "sigh"  
**robot bitch:** Mood  
**sushi:** ????  
**Space Naruto:** kiibo who taught you that??  
**robot bitch:** Miu!  
**kirby vore:** ehehehehe  
**magic mike:** miu please  
**kirby vore:** yo i just thought of something  
**kirby vore:** brb virgins im gonna teach gonta how to text  
**magic mike:** sigh  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** who the fuck sent me an avocado through the mail  
**lesbian bruce lee:** I saw that teruteru bitch holding one this morning  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** tenko the mail doesnt come in a day he probably used it as a facemask or something  
**Space Naruto:** yeah his skin is pretty smooth  
**FR E SH AVOCA DO:** you know teruteru???  
**Space Naruto:** yeah???  
**magic mike:** conspiracy theory: we're all in the same uni but we're idiots and can't realise it  
**pantasia:** haha yeah thatd be crazy  
**pantasia:** wait  
**magic mike:** sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usernames:  
> ouma: pantasia  
> kaede: liar liar  
> shuichi: sushi  
> kiibo: robot bitch  
> rantaro: FR E SH AVOCA DO  
> angie: forgive me father for i have sinned  
> miu: kirby vore   
> tsumugi: mug  
> maki: assassin's creed rogue  
> kork: mothman  
> kaito: Space Naruto   
> himiko: magic mike   
> tenko: lesbian bruce lee  
> kirumi: donarudo turompu  
> gonta: bug catcher from pokemon  
> ryoma: village person


End file.
